# Dear customer, I hope you fall and break your neck.



## MunkySpunk

Classic. I love this guy. I'm picking up my cell phone and calling the store about that package now. I could use a new board.


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## sabatoa

So much win. I'm totally calling too. Fucking douchebag shop owner.


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## ToKwik

He has done some hilarious stuff.

Simon's pie charts is one of my favorites.

Simon's Pie Charts


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## killclimbz

That is a funny ass read. I love to get the background behind the ad. Dude should have just refunded or exchanged the gloves.


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## killclimbz

Is it just me or does this look like something Paolosmythe would do?


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## Rufus

There are some pretty funny comments on the store's Facebook page. Function 4 Sports | Facebook


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## katiedoespowder

It is written by the same guy who wrote the famous email about the 7 legged spider: Next time, I'll spend the money on drugs instead.


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## katiedoespowder

ToKwik said:


> He has done some hilarious stuff.
> 
> Simon's pie charts is one of my favorites.
> 
> Simon's Pie Charts


My favourite is the lost cat - Missing Missy one: "yeah thats not what I was looking for at all."


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## soundwave27

OMFG. I'm a total noob. Went walking into my local Skis & Bikes location, explained I was totally new and needed a helmet and goggles... the sales girl must have spent 20 minutes with me getting the right fit. Went back for wax, the service guy again must have spent 30 minutes with me explaining the different items and taking me into the back shop for a demo. I mean sure... bitch to each other about how irritating all us weekend warrior noobs are... cause yeah... we're a pain. But do it in the break room, not to the actual customer. 

Furthermore... while not a store, I do operate a business. If anything is ever not right, I fix it. Customer service = return customers. What I loose on exchanging a dmx lighting module I gain in selling an entire sound system. I mean really. Business 101 here buddy.

As for "Do your research"... isn't that what I'm doing by asking a supposed professional in a store?

This Function 4 Sports nimrod... all I can say is wow... how the hell is he still in business?


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## sabatoa

Rufus said:


> There are some pretty funny comments on the store's Facebook page. Function 4 Sports | Facebook



Holy shiz, his wall post by others is lighting up. pwnt.


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## Karasene

haha so did any of you guyys call yet? I wanna hear the reaction.
That shop owner is a douche.. maybe he'd make more profit if he realized its the noobs that spend the most amount of money.

and who is this David guy? The pie charts were priceless.

EDIT: Damn I had a lot of typos...woops


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## MunkySpunk

They didn't pick up. Just goes to machine. I'm trying to think of a message to leave now.

I think it's even funnier these guys are hiding from their own phone lines now. :laugh:


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## ToKwik

sabatoa said:


> Holy shiz, his wall post by others is lighting up. pwnt.



Had to contribute to the wall.


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## sabatoa

ToKwik said:


> Had to contribute to the wall.


Yeah, I posted it to mine publicly and tagged them. LO freaking L.

I did try calling earlier but they didn't answer. Reading some of the wall comments, it looks like someone at the store is sending some of the posters private messages to stop posting comments. Yep, that'll work.


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## ToKwik

Poor little Anton had no idea how many people follow Thorne's stuff. Going to be interesting to see how fast this blows up in his face.


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## Leo

I remember this guy now!!! How do these things keep happening to him? It's soooo effin funny. Not to be mean, but I hope it keeps on happening to him because the material he writes as a result is priceless each and every time.


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## Karasene

Yeah I had to contribute to the wall also.. 
the fact that he wished for someone to break their neck kinda pissed me off considering my situation... with a broken neck.


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## ZOOM 3

:laugh: awesome stuff


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## BurtonAvenger

I'm emailing David for an interview on the site I see potential for some serious hilarity.


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## Karasene

BurtonAvenger said:


> I'm emailing David for an interview on the site I see potential for some serious hilarity.


Haha :laugh: Go get em' BA :thumbsup:


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## JeffreyCH

BurtonAvenger said:


> I'm emailing David for an interview on the site I see potential for some serious hilarity.


You 2 together would be priceless :thumbsup:


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## BurtonAvenger

So funny thing David emailed me back turns out he reads my site and finds me very comical. We're going to be doing a little interview today and should have something written up for tomorrow.


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## JeffreyCH

I've been reading both sites for over a year so this should be great. :laugh:


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## Qball

Karasene said:


> Yeah I had to contribute to the wall also..
> the fact that he wished for someone to break their neck kinda pissed me off considering my situation... with a broken neck.


Yeah I thought that was a little uncalled for. My my friend broke his neck too! Fractured his c4 vertebrae and countless ribs when hit and flipped over a barrier doing mach 10, his season is done without a doubt.


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## IslandCrow

F'in hilarious! You've gotta love email. Somehow people still don't realize how easily what they write can come back to bite them. I wish there was a Function 4 Sports here just so I could boycott them. As it is, we seem to only have noob friendly shops around here. Now I guess I know how lucky I am that they even condescend to take my noob tainted money.


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## Karasene

Aww snap. Thats horrible Q. Not fun at all  Hope he's able to make a full recovery for sure!


BA that's some funny stuff. Can't wait to see what you guys come up with :laugh:


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## Leo

BurtonAvenger said:


> So funny thing David emailed me back turns out he reads my site and finds me very comical. We're going to be doing a little interview today and should have something written up for tomorrow.


Man, this is going to be epic.


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## Deviant

I'm glad this was posted because I thought the other thread about this was just spam, but the shop owner was a dick and deserved what he got. If the employees of the shop sold David some gloves that were not waterproof, they are the "noobs" here and should learn the difference between waterproof and water-resistant. Clearly their attitude has developed more than their on-snow knowledge. 5000 calls must have sucked, and for anyone that called to get their answering machine, the shop owners email is listed on Davids site.


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## Argo

that string of emails is hilarious. I would love to chill with this dude. It is even better if you read it imagining his aussie accent....


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## BurtonAvenger

Argo said:


> that string of emails is hilarious. I would love to chill with this dude. It is even better if you read it imagining his aussie accent....


I just keep saying, "The Dingo ate my Wallaby".


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## Leo

BurtonAvenger said:


> I just keep saying, "The Dingo ate my Wallaby".


I don't know why, but the mental image of you saying that is just too damn funny. You have to use that line in your next video interview. Just randomly bust it out haha.


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## BurtonAvenger

Leo said:


> I don't know why, but the mental image of you saying that is just too damn funny. You have to use that line in your next video interview. Just randomly bust it out haha.


In works right now with a guy about doing a webseries for the site called Stunt Stickin. Needless to say randomly funny quotes like that will spill forth from my oral cavity.


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## Grizz

ToKwik said:


> little Anton


He's a little sensitive about that fact.

BA when you do the interview with Thorne, ask him if he's read Letters from a Nut by Ted Nancy. Thorne has a similar gig, just does it by email instead of snail mail like Nancy.


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## Qball

Karasene said:


> Aww snap. Thats horrible Q. Not fun at all  Hope he's able to make a full recovery for sure!


Docs say he should make a full recovery, so he's pretty damn lucky. He wasn't able to take a few more runs and party afterward like you were though, I guess he's just not as badass. I don't know how he didn't see the bright orange fence :dunno: Ride in control people!


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## T.J.

BurtonAvenger said:


> I'm emailing David for an interview on the site I see potential for some serious hilarity.


you should try to get an interview with anton too!


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## Deviant

Perhaps we should all email Anton and tell him he should come here and defend his "business" on these forums


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## ToKwik

Deviant said:


> Perhaps we should all email Anton and tell him he should come here and defend his "business" on these forums


His "business" has probably moved through many forums by now.


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## JoeR

Grizz said:


> BA when you do the interview with Thorne, ask him if he's read Letters from a Nut by Ted Nancy. Thorne has a similar gig, just does it by email instead of snail mail like Nancy.


The granddaddy of this brand of humor is _The Lazlo Letters_ by Don Novello (with a sequel, _Citizen Lazlo_). Just incomparably funny, with full advantage taken of its historical milieu. Not much can beat insane letters to the Nixon administration -- with answers! -- during Watergate.


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## BurtonAvenger

Questions sent and I fully intend to email Anton after I ruffle some feathers.


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## Grizz

JoeR said:


> The granddaddy of this brand of humor is _The Lazlo Letters_ by Don Novello (with a sequel, _Citizen Lazlo_). Just incomparably funny, with full advantage taken of its historical milieu. Not much can beat insane letters to the Nixon administration -- with answers! -- during Watergate.


Funny you mention it. I just bought it today, after seeing it recommended next to Nancy's book.

Nancy made me laugh more than I had in a long time.

Thorne's site got me hooked today and I spent a good hour there. The Easter Program was classic.


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## katiedoespowder

Grizz said:


> Funny you mention it. I just bought it today, after seeing it recommended next to Nancy's book.
> Nancy made me laugh more than I had in a long time.
> Thorne's site got me hooked today and I spent a good hour there. The Easter Program was classic.


I bought Thorne's book today The internet is a playground and I might have a look for the Nancy one as well but the other sounds a tad old school for me. Watergate?


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## kysnowboarder

Shop owner must be some trust fund baby whose parents are funding his shop...I can't believe anyone that handles customers that way could start and maintain a profitable business, hell it can be hard when you really do know what you are doing. There no way that guy is really making money.


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## NWBoarder

Love it. I'm sure the shop owner is crying secretly in his office behind his monitor. What a douche.


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## JoeR

katiedoespowder said:


> I bought Thorne's book today The internet is a playground and I might have a look for the Nancy one as well but the other sounds a tad old school for me. Watergate?


Yes, it was written in the 1970s; every movement has to start somewhere. Novello spent many years creating and gathering the material. But in addition to letters to Nixon, Ford, and Carter, there's assorted crazy correspondence with McDonald's, Mister Bubble, and various show biz celebs.


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## theusername

Oh wow thats too funny lmao. There's some other really funny stuff up on that site I've been reading it for so long now


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## SPAZ

That was the funniest read in a while. The store was totally wrong, IMO.


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## BurtonAvenger

Well just to give everyone a heads up David hasn't sent back his answers to the mini interview so I probably won't have a little write up for tomorrow and with SIA going down this weekend then 3 days of hell I really wouldn't expect to see it till next week unless by some miracle I can find time between killing my liver, killing my knee, and whoring myself out to Burtons interns.


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## pmetz

Hilarious is all I have to say. Owner got what he deserved haha 
Just picked up a book the other day for an upcoming trip, "Emails from an Asshole" by John Lindsay. Same type of humor. This guy pretty much replies to classified ads on the internet and goes pretty overboard with them as he writes back and forth with the people. Worth a read.


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## T.J.

i looks like they unliked me and removed my post. damn, and they just posted a job opening too. i'm completely qualified with the tattoos, angry birds and shitty attitude.


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## sabatoa

T.J. said:


> i looks like they unliked me and removed my post. damn, and they just posted a job opening too. i'm completely qualified with the tattoos, angry birds and shitty attitude.


Yeah, someone finally went on there and cleaned out the billionty comments they'd received in the last 24 hours. boo.


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## katiedoespowder

sabatoa said:


> Yeah, someone finally went on there and cleaned out the billionty comments they'd received in the last 24 hours. boo.


My comment just disappeared too.  I asked if they had Alarmed Squid Squishmittens in stock.


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## killclimbz

They've removed a billion comments but another billion have quickly grown on their page. I bet if we keep it up the fan page goes down...


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## LSchaeffer

Just called and asked, but the lady was really nice about it. I should have asked for Fatty.


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## killclimbz

You should ask for Fuzzy, we've been picking on him on their fan page...


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## BurtonAvenger

Well I think this should make people laugh The Angry Snowboarder Blog Archive Retail Retribution With David Thorne


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## Deviant

LOL, awesome stuff BA.










I suspect Fatty set up this goggle display, there's some sort of crumbs all over the table.


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## Donutz

Worked for me!


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## 51bombed

"And, going by the adage 'You get what you pay for' in regards to the level of expertise and customer service skills your staff display, I doubt the wages for 'extra staff you had to put on' would exceed the $44 I paid for the pair of destructogloves."

i want said destructogloves for a prank.


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## JeffreyCH

Good stuff BA :thumbsup: I can't wait to hear Antons response  I wonder if he is the owner or just a manager?


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## ToKwik

BurtonAvenger said:


> Well I think this should make people laugh The Angry Snowboarder Blog Archive Retail Retribution With David Thorne



Nicely done. Hopefully little anton will respond too.

Looks like F4S (Fucktards 4 Sodomy) have once again deleted everything off their FB page back to September. :laugh:


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## MunkySpunk

It's a losing battle. You can't hold back a tidal wave with a bilge pump. They unliked me and now I can't comment...... So I asked my girl to throw some up. :laugh:


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## Deviant

Actually they are blocking all new posts from others, but you can still comment on their older posts they have up.

Edit: Wait it's back up.

P.s. This is another one of Antons sites..

Sportliquidator.com

From the about us page..



> We appreciate your business and look forward to working with you.
> 
> Sportliquidator
> 1854 E Market St
> Harrisonburg, VA 22801
> phone: 540-433-3493
> Fax: 540-434-9695
> [email protected]
> 
> 
> SPORTLIQUIDATOR is a company that is concerned most with customer satisfaction. We've been in this business for 11 years and we're here because of you. We want to help make your business a successful one. We pride ourselves on return customers. That is how we judge our business.


I lol'd.


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## ToKwik

I know there is a glove "liquidator" joke in there somewhere.:laugh:


Seriously???


> So while browsing our site if you have any questions please feel free to call or email our customer service department with any questions or comments and one of our friendly staff members will be happy to assist you. See for yourself. Enjoy your shopping and thank you for your business.


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## IrideVA

What is so great about this flyer is thats the store thats right next to the mountain i ride and the kids and owner are a bunch of douches the only cool guy in there was the old man but they fired him i called them 8 times yesterday in school when i saw this finally someone did something to these idiots


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## ToKwik

Reported FB page as "threatening harm against an individual".

:cheeky4:


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## killclimbz

Well they've figured out how to keep comments from being posted on their Facebook page. Guess we'll have to find a new way to annoy them...


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## katiedoespowder

*Lol!*



killclimbz said:


> Well they've figured out how to keep comments from being posted on their Facebook page. Guess we'll have to find a new way to annoy them...



Click here and read the reviews or leave one.


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## killclimbz

Good stuff Katie!


----------



## Zee

This guy's business is probably done. Deservedly so...


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## sabatoa

"Function 4 Sports: Please don't pay attention to false claims or offers not endorsed by us. All real offers, giveaways and events will be posted on our website as well. Thank you."

I think I got banninated because it says there is 19 comments but I can't see the comments or leave any.


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## katiedoespowder

Zee said:


> This guy's business is probably done. Deservedly so...


Not necessarily. He will probably hardly notice any difference. It is the only snowboard shop in the local area apparently and how many people read David Thorne's website? The stats say it gets around 180,000 unique visitors per day which is amazing and the guy has 70,000+ twitter followers and facebook fans but how many of those would be in the Harrisonburg area? 

That Anton guy should actually take a lesson form this. You never know who is going to walk into your shop and buy $44 gloves and the repercussions of bad customer service. He could actually turn it around and benefit from all the publicity by making a statement on his facebook page and his function4sports website that says "Due to a recent event etc. we have re-evaluted our customer service and return/exchange procedures. Our customers are the most important thing to us... etc" or something to this effect. He could also have a pic of the advert from David Thorne's site and say "While this advert is fake, print it out and bring it into the store to receive 30% off the items listed on it."

Ok, Anton is a douche and his staff are morons but if he learnt something from this and fixed the issue then his business would actually prosper and grow from this. Just my two cents worth. Damage control can sometimes have great marketing opportunities. I think David Thorne has actually done him a huge favour by calling him out on this in the long run and he should probably thank him.

Edit: ok so it seems this Anton also has a history in the industry for buying seconds and selling them as new. Don't know if this true but that SERIOUSLY shits me.


----------



## JeffreyCH

Geez....touchy bastards...dropped the ban hammer on me too. All I wanted to know is if they had any gloves I could use to re-dye my black jacket since the color is faded a bit  

4 pages of comments and rates on their google places page, and none of them good :laugh: Wonder if he's still pullin down the 40k a week??


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## GorgeDad

OMG. Katie, thanks for making my day! I just spent my entire lunch hour reading this thread, the Angry Snowboarder interview and then every email chain posted on Thorne's site. I am just now able to get up off the floor and stop laughing. He is freakin' hilarious.


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## katiedoespowder

GorgeDad said:


> OMG. Katie, thanks for making my day! I just spent my entire lunch hour reading this thread, the Angry Snowboarder interview and then every email chain posted on Thorne's site. I am just now able to get up off the floor and stop laughing. He is freakin' hilarious.


My pleasure. Glad you enjoyed it as much as I did. (I gasped for breath and turned bright red a few times myself I was laughing so much.) David Thorne is an idiot but a very funny idiot.


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## Muki

This is similar to the emails from an asshole. :laugh::thumbsup:


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## Deviant

JeffreyCH said:


> Geez....touchy bastards...dropped the ban hammer on me too. All I wanted to know is if they had any gloves I could use to re-dye my black jacket since the color is faded a bit
> 
> 4 pages of comments and rates on their google places page, and none of them good :laugh: Wonder if he's still pullin down the 40k a week??


I highly doubt that was even truthful. I sent him a friend request on facebook but he hasn't added me yet :dunno:


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## t-mac

katiedoespowder said:


> My favourite is the lost cat - Missing Missy one: "yeah thats not what I was looking for at all."


Loved Missing Missy.


----------



## GorgeDad

katiedoespowder said:


> My pleasure. Glad you enjoyed it as much as I did. (I gasped for breath and turned bright red a few times myself I was laughing so much.) David Thorne is an idiot but a very funny idiot.


Its amazing how he wears people down with his relentless emails. Without his asking, they just retract fines, let his kid out of trouble, etc. just to get him to stop. I'll see how well i learned from him the next time i get a traffic ticket:laugh:


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## Sick-Pow

I just called (from gmail's free phone service) and asked if I could come and look around, what brands did they have. Then I asked if they were a Burton dealer, to which he replied "I don't know, we carry Burton boards, but I don't know". I ended the call with,"you guys sound like a bunch of newbs.".
Not crank yank caliber, but funny.


----------



## Extremo

20,000 packages only. Free shipping within the US. I'm contacting them for my package.


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## Sick-Pow

Decided to go crazy on this one.

I called and said I was with the local news here in WY and we were going to do a story on this. Owner was in CO at SIA, but the shop kid asked for my number. Owner calls me and tells me, the story about the gloves and not being able to return them is true, BUT, the emails are NOT true. Apparently, the owner fired the kid who would not let David return the gloves, as it was an "error of customer service". 

Funny ass shit.


----------



## katiedoespowder

Sick-Pow said:


> Decided to go crazy on this one.
> 
> I called and said I was with the local news here in WY and we were going to do a story on this. Owner was in CO at SIA, but the shop kid asked for my number. Owner calls me and tells me, the story about the gloves and not being able to return them is true, BUT, the emails are NOT true. Apparently, the owner fired the kid who would not let David return the gloves, as it was an "error of customer service".


Now *THAT* is gold. Not about the guy losing his job but the fact you did it. I would pay money to hear that conversation. What else did he say? Do the
me:
owner:
me:
thing. Seriously. You win one internet for having the balls to do that.


----------



## LuckyRVA

Sick-Pow said:


> Decided to go crazy on this one.
> 
> I called and said I was with the local news here in WY and we were going to do a story on this. Owner was in CO at SIA, but the shop kid asked for my number. Owner calls me and tells me, the story about the gloves and not being able to return them is true, BUT, the emails are NOT true. Apparently, the owner fired the kid who would not let David return the gloves, as it was an "error of customer service".
> 
> Funny ass shit.


Classic, you didn't happen to record it did you?


----------



## newguy36

What an awesome read! Thanks for posting this.


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## abadidol

This is great, there is no justice like mob justice.


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## katiedoespowder

abadidol said:


> This is great, there is no justice like mob justice.


Kind of bought it on himself but. Some of these reviews for Function 4 Sports are hilarious. Function 4 Sports - Google Maps


----------



## LuckyRVA

katiedoespowder said:


> Kind of bought it on himself but. Some of these reviews for Function 4 Sports are hilarious. Function 4 Sports - Google Maps


lol

"I was considering taking up snowboarding but this shop has put me off forever. I'm going to take up cat-riding instead."


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## Extremo

Anyone know what paper/magazine this ad is in? I called and they told me that it was an internet hoax. So I want to call back and tell them I didn't see it online, but in print and make a stink about my free snowboard package.


----------



## Sick-Pow

I called the store first, talked to a "deer in headlights" shop kid that did not know what to say when I said WY daily news and potential "NY Times" syndication and I have a very pro voice and can talk fast. Got a call back from a manager who was very cool, but worried enough to get Anton to call from Colorado as they are there at SIA.

I totally made it out like this was ONLY funny, which it is, but it is also sad (for the fired kid). He also sent me the only emails (3) that were exchanged....no email David put on his website is true....only the inability to return the defective gloves...and everything else is pure fiction comedy. Anton (supposedly) really wanted to make it up to David even before Anton knew who David was....then all hell breaks loose.

Me: Hi I work for "WY daily news"(fake)
Anton; "Let me tell you, we don't want any trouble"...on and on and on...he is russian or something and just kept talking.
Me; understood, so, let me get right to the point....this is FUNNY, (anton laughs), Jake Burton and I were having a laugh about this in Denver at SIA, I even heard Shaun White talked about it!
Anton: Really? Well.....( I interrupt him)
Me; So, was this true, tell me the story.
Anton: Yes. David bought a coat and some gloves. The gloves he tried to return, but my store has a policy about not being able to return used gloves only, well my employee failed to realize DEFECTIVE gloves should have been another matter....blah, blah, blah..
Me: SO, this really happened? 
Anton: Yes, but, none of the emails you see on Davids site are true. I (Anton) write emails in all Caps, and that would have been far funnier!! (blah blah)
Me: well, this whole thing will be great for business, right?
Anton: YES! We are receiving more sales, too many calls, but sales are up....blah blah.
ME: small talk about how funny it is...
Anton,: let me send you the emails that we had, only 3....
Me:, (I try to blow that off.)
Me:I think it sucks you fired that kid.
Anton, (no answer)
Me: Well, I will make the story as favorable as I can, considering the facts....maybe the NY times will pick it up
Anton:gulp..stammers out some shit...
Me: well, have to go, thanks again...
Anton forces me to give him a email....I have those emails if you guys think it would be good. And, I have anton's phone number if anyone wants it.....should be good for a laugh.

best,
m


----------



## LuckyRVA

So, in other words he's claiming he never said "I hope you fall and break your neck"? Hmmm


----------



## katiedoespowder

Sick-Pow said:


> Jake Burton and I were having a laugh about this in Denver at SIA, I even heard Shaun White talked about it!


Lol. That is hilarious. And were the emails all in caps?


----------



## Sick-Pow

LuckyRVA said:


> So, in other words he's claiming he never said "I hope you fall and break your neck"? Hmmm





katiedoespowder said:


> Lol. That is hilarious. And were the emails all in caps?


LuckyRVA: I believe Anton never said that. I think the original confrontation was enough to set David off and he did his literary genius. You can see in the emails below how David tried to bait Anton into more parody. Anton is old school Russian, or Bulgarian, or whatever he is, so I doubt 40.00USD would set him off. In all my travels, and from my short convo, he had a very normal disposition, nothing strange.

Katie: Oddly enough the emails were not in caps, as the "manager" told me Anton "the boss" typed all in caps. I might have implied in my other post that Anton said it, but it was my second talk with the "manager" and my reply to the caps line was, "that would have been even more funny". There could be more to this story?(like the funny email COULD be real?), but after looking at the emails, I doubt it 99% and think David T is all about getting a storyline, then running with it, in fiction format. 
Possible facts?

1.I bet he was not treated very well in the store....duh...inspiration for the article.

2. The employee was not fired? Anton only said that maybe to make it seem dramatic? If the employee was fired, I think Anton needs a anal probe.

3. Some of the things said to David originally might have been somewhat offensive...and maybe that is why we get inspiration for the great line "I hope you fall and break your neck"?



Dear Mr Davis,

Thanks for your time talking with me over the phone.
Please find below all the correspondence I had with David Thorne.

Regards,

Anton
(President - Function 4 Sports)

---------- Forwarded message ----------
From: David Thorne 
Date: Tue, Feb 1, 2011 at 10:26 AM
Subject: Re: Defective Gloves
To: Anton <anton




Again, I appreciate both the tone of your email and reasoning.
As I get many reports from fans of the website - such as "the guys from function4sports are in Applebees talking shit about you right now" one from last night - regardless of the the tone of your email, I think I will pass.

Also, I appreciate the structure of your email but like I stated in my last email to you, I have no intention of continuing the matter and it was never about compensation therefore any offer you may make (even one I "will like") is unnecessary.
I can afford to replace gloves and buy equipment and I am not entirely stupid, any compensation in exchange for a pleasant writeup and deletion of current content on my website would be construed as blackmail. And I don't do that.

I actually wish you the best with your business. 
It is the internet, articles have a two week lifespan and then everyone forgets. It is not necessary for you to attempt a resolution when it is self-resolving.

Regards, David.


David Thorne 27bslash6

This email may contain either nudity or highly personal misinformation. 
Activities and vehicle modifications appearing or described in this email may be potentially dangerous.
I think you would look nice in a 27b/6 t-shirt. Unless the word sheep™ has been used in its correct context 
somewhere other than in this disclaimer, it does not have any purpose and may be ignored.
Follow me at twitter.com/27bslash6 like a fifteen year old schoolgirl.

Now Available: The Internet is a Playground | Black Label Edition
New emails, new articles, new content not available elsewhere. It makes a nice present, protects against tigers and can be read while hiding in small places. 
I heard somewhere that there is a higher percentage of abuse in low income families so buy this book or I will beat my child.
The Internet is a Playground. A book by David Thorne of 27b/6




On 01/02/2011, at 9:44 AM, Anton wrote:

Hi David,

Thanks for your response. I just want you to know that I am sincere in the fact that I want to make this situation right with you. We have taken measures at our shop to make sure the situation that occurred with you will not happen again with you or anyone else. We have educated and refreshed our entire staff of the protocol that is to be followed when any item being returned appears to be defective. We have also made everyone aware of the dire mistake that was made by the employee who helped you. I constantly stress the fact that the customer is always right and I demand that my employees respect our customers. Anything less, and they do not have a job here.
I hope we can somehow come to a resolution regarding this issue. I would like to meet with you this week and make you an offer you will like. Let's go skiing this weekend. I am traveling next week. 
Thanks for your time.
Regards,
Anton 


On Fri, Jan 28, 2011 at 9:18 AM, David Thorne <t wrote:

The problem with email is that there is no way of knowing if they actually come from the person labelled. I can send an email from any address.
If this is indeed from the source indicated, I appreciate the tone of the email. I would not, however, be stupid enough to go back to the store and possibly be beaten to death.

The amount for the gloves or a refund was not the issue (I couldn't care less about $44) and I also have no desire to have anybody terminated. I am sure the issue I did have is well known.
The plan for that day was to simply exchange the gloves and purchase snowboarding equipment. Instead I left angry and insulted and purchased the equipment from another store. 
This is actually annoying to me as your store is close and has a lot of good equipment so an ongoing relationship would have been positive for both of us.

I write under the banner 'parody with a point' and am known for this on the internet. I am not responsible for the actions/reactions of readers but realise I feed this.

Regardless, I will not push the issue any further and did not intend to do so even prior to your email. 
I appreciate your email was written with an intent to sort out the issue - professional rather than threatening (which I get a lot of).
If this is, of course, indeed an email from Function 4 Sports and not a hoax. 

Regards, David.


David Thorne 27bslash6

This email may contain either nudity or highly personal misinformation. 
Activities and vehicle modifications appearing or described in this email may be potentially dangerous.
I think you would look nice in a 27b/6 t-shirt. Unless the word sheep™ has been used in its correct context 
somewhere other than in this disclaimer, it does not have any purpose and may be ignored.
Follow me at twitter.com/27bslash6 like a fifteen year old schoolgirl.

Now Available: The Internet is a Playground | Black Label Edition
New emails, new articles, new content not available elsewhere. It makes a nice present, protects against tigers and can be read while hiding in small places. 
I heard somewhere that there is a higher percentage of abuse in low income families so buy this book or I will beat my child.
The Internet is a Playground. A book by David Thorne of 27b/6




On 27/01/2011, at 6:07 PM, Anton wrote:

Hello David,

It was brought to my attention today that you had an unpleasant experience in my store, Function 4 Sports.
I apologize for my employee's bad behavior. The employee that refused to take your gloves back and give you a refund was terminated. 

I would like to welcome you back to my store to do the best I can to satisfy your needs.
I would like to reimburse you for your purchase and your time.

Please bring us your damaged items for a full refund.
Please let me know when you can come, so that I can meet you in person and apologize.
I am trying my best to make Function 4 Sports the store with the best customer service in the valley.

Sincerely,

Anton
(President)


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## Mooz

killclimbz said:


> Is it just me or does this look like something Paolosmythe would do?


Fuck, I thought that WAS Paolo


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## katiedoespowder

Sick-Pow said:


> Katie: Oddly enough the emails were not in caps, as the "manager" told me Anton "the boss" typed all in caps. I might have implied in my other post that Anton said it, but it was my second talk with the "manager" and my reply to the caps line was, "that would have been even more funny". There could be more to this story?(like the funny email COULD be real?), but after looking at the emails, I doubt it 99% and think David T is all about getting a storyline, then running with it, in fiction format.
> Possible facts?


Wow. You should be in investigative journalism. This whole sequence of events is really interesting.
Also interesting is how professional both emails were to each other. Anton sounds genuine and David sounds, well like David, but genuine and with a point as well.
While I am sure there was some artistic license, David is a professional writer after all, the facts of the gloves and jacket etc still remain.
Anton comes off as nice and trying to resolve the issue and David makes an interesting statement:

"It is the internet, articles have a two week lifespan and then everyone forgets. It is not necessary for you to attempt a resolution when it is self-resolving."

Which is well written AND logical and also soothing the issue to Anton in some way. David also states that "The amount for the gloves or a refund was not the issue (I couldn't care less about $44) and I also have no desire to have anybody terminated."

which reads true and I doubt terminating the employee, whether he made a mistake or not, is warranted. Anton should slap him and re-employ him.

Really interesting sequence of events though. I think it is all quite incredible. 100 points to David though. You have to admit he is seriously good at what he does and knows how to play the game.

Now, back to the important stuff: Goggles on the inside of a beanie or the outside?


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## Sick-Pow

Agreed about David. 

Journalism is a strange art...I am not sure i would want to stoop that low for more worthy causes....it was a rush though....

The thing about the derelict employee, if it was half as bad as David implied, he should have been fired IMHO.

best, 
MS



katiedoespowder said:


> Wow. You should be in investigative journalism. This whole sequence of events is really interesting.
> Also interesting is how professional both emails were to each other. Anton sounds genuine and David sounds, well like David, but genuine and with a point as well.
> While I am sure there was some artistic license, David is a professional writer after all, the facts of the gloves and jacket etc still remain.
> Anton comes off as nice and trying to resolve the issue and David makes an interesting statement:
> 
> "It is the internet, articles have a two week lifespan and then everyone forgets. It is not necessary for you to attempt a resolution when it is self-resolving."
> 
> Which is well written AND logical and also soothing the issue to Anton in some way. David also states that "The amount for the gloves or a refund was not the issue (I couldn't care less about $44) and I also have no desire to have anybody terminated."
> 
> which reads true and I doubt terminating the employee, whether he made a mistake or not, is warranted. Anton should slap him and re-employ him.
> 
> Really interesting sequence of events though. I think it is all quite incredible. 100 points to David though. You have to admit he is seriously good at what he does.


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## katiedoespowder

Sick-Pow said:


> Journalism is a strange art...I am not sure i would want to stoop that low for more worthy causes....it was a rush though....
> The thing about the derelict employee, if it was half as bad as David implied, he should have been fired IMHO.S


Well I think you have missed your calling. I bet it was a rush. I am seriously impressed that you did that. 100 internets for you.
Cheers, K


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